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Lavender
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For [info]regulation | Bio [June 08 2025]
[ music | "Cold Shoulder"- Adele ]

You think we missed the revolution, I swear it all is coming down all around us now, if water makes everyone nervous, was it all just time to toss the ship into a spinning fit? King me and crown the holy solider, remember when we fought a war, that kept us all awake? Sunlight as bright and right as ever, turn down the light, electric night, it seems like another intermission, but the tide keeps rolling in, distance and sleep, a childhood anger. Bad shit. Believe. Every thought is cleaned, senses will fail when we feel weakness, knees and hands shake, right in time. It seems like another intermission but ( the tide keeps rolling in )

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"If we keep talking, and I keep walking..." [August 04 2008]
[ music | Silverchair: Straight Lines ]

I'm not good at demure. I'm not good at not sticking my foot in it, to be quite honest, and sometimes I forget myself and swear in polite company. I don't have a fucking clue why anyone would need more than one knife, and one fork, and I don't really care. Oh, that one is for salad is it, Mr. Pompous Double Barrelled Name Guy Who Keeps Mentioning his Cousin, Lord Somethingby? Why not just eat it with your hands like you know you want to, you miserable, poncey, chauvinistic, unbearable, oppressive posh pig?

GOD.

I feel like Alice, only I didn't tumble gracefully through no bloody looking glass. I fell, scraped my knees, got a big banged up and there's blood all over my shirt from my nose and everyone else is pristine and perfect and they're looking at me like I'm an alien species. I hate, hate, hate pompous married couples.

Hate.

( Private: Friends )

"Why are you so petrified of silence?" [July 30 2008]
[ music | Alanis Morissette: All I Really Want ]

( Private: self )

I've been spending so much time at Vi's. It feels odd, a bit, to be so social but then again...well, have you ever spent a while cut off from everyone and then went to a party or something? Or a packed bar, with a lot of familiar faces, or even just one but all these new faces and just sat and talked to them? Not got wasted or stoned, just talked to them and felt unnaturally light? It all feels a bit like that, to be honest.

After wishing Paolo a happy birthday many, many times over I went to Reggie's. I've not been to Reggie's in a while. She's one of those people who don't need contact much, and not to get by. If she wants to see me, she'll normally write and I get a weird feeling whenever I show up unannounced. Like I'm intruding or something. But she was happy to see me. Misery loves company, or whatnot, and according to Reggie misery is her middle name these days. She's always been horrendously melodramatic as well. Aye, still, going from Vi's to Reggie's was like going from Pakistan to Downing Street.

I think this calls for a night on the roof again.

[July 27 2008]
[ music | Gogol Bordello: Start Wearing Purple ]

My mother gave me my name.

I don't know why she liked it, but I know she gave me it. I know the whole frigging story behind the thing, too, which is absolutely stupid and it's a completely daft story too. Still.

My mother was completely obsessed with Alec Guinness when she was younger. I'm not even joking, I suspect that she could probably tell you everything he's been in even as an extra since he was born. Read everything that's every been written on him, too, or at least the things that she could get her hands on. When he died, I've been told she mourned. I have no doubt about that, either, because I can remember her mentioning it in one of her letters, which was a bit of a daft thing to write about but letters get really repetitive when it comes down to it, so that's not all that big of a sin. Anyway, the point is that she loved that man, perhaps more than my father. Yes, it was genuinely considered creepy even by us lot. She once told me that all along she'd planned to name one of her children Alec once she accepted the whole having kids thing but then she was too old to have another one.

Aye, so my name? This stupidly, flowery thing that sounds really rather delicate? And kind of...fluffy, to be honest. Yeah, well, it's taken from the title of a film that Alec Guinness is in--The Lavender Hill Mob. And Lavender Hill is a street. That people walk all over. Clearly, Mum had high expectations for me.

Oi. Sometimes I wish that I didn't ask so many questions.

After when I was done badgering Mam with questions, of course, I went out and asked Dad what the heck kind of drugs was he on that he allowed Mum to name me. And he muttered something about fertiliser fucking with his brain cells. I don't think that he needed any kind of fertiliser to fuck with his brain cells, to be quite honest. My Dad's a massive sop when it comes to mum; I think he'd give her the moon if it was possible. If she'd have wanted to call me Zafina I think he'd have went along with it and then I'd definitely have cause to really, really dislike them both then.

There's no frigging cards in this house. Absolutely none. I even checked where I hid them the last time I was here, but I swear one of my parents just likes to get them and toss them just to irritate me and leave me bored out of my mind. Maybe it's fun for them to sit about and chat about how much the price of certain things have risen and grumble about inflation and reminisce about how milk used to be a shilling or less (okay, I don't pay attention so I don't think a shilling was ever mentioned in relation to milk but they're old enough to remember if it was) but I get bored quickly. And I just want to bloody play solitaire while they sit and grumble like good old people are meant to, is that too much to ask?

[July 19 2008]
[ music | Lifehouse: Hanging By A Moment ]

Sometimes I forget how much I love people.

There once was a man called Reg
Who went with a girl in a hedge
Along came his wife
With a big carving knife
And cut off his meat and two veg.


At the time it was said I think it was supposed to be a way of warning someone off, but I'm still far too amused.


( Private: self )

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[July 16 2008]
[ music | "When U Love Somebody"- Fruit Bats ]

So. The first person to explain to me why all of a sudden it seems like working for the Ministry is akin to being one of the cast members on one of those horrendously melodramatic soap operas gets as many brownies as I can possibly bake before I get bored.

[July 15 2008]
[ music | "Modern Love"- Empires ]

I have worked out that there are two possible "hotties" that a very annoying sister of mine is currently seeing. Neither of them are really bloody great options. On one hand we've got Jar Jar Binks, which isn't his real name but he sounds like him so we'll settle for it. Jar Jar is basically the town bike. You know what I mean. Everyone's had a ride.

On the other hand is Bruce Willis, only balder and older and flabbier. He's married, but kind of not. I don't know how to explain it. The main thing here is he's married.

I'm pretty sure it's the bike, anyway. Which makes me sad, because now I'm going to have to tease her to all hell. It's written in some kind of code book published ages ago. You may think I'm lying but I assure you I'm not. I could produce written proof but, you know. Really ancient language. No one'd get it anyway.

Or maybe I just made that bit up. Who knows?

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[July 13 2008]
[ music | "All Nighter"- Elastica ]

Things to do before I die:

• Go sky diving;
• Find out what the hell colour viridian is (seriously, what the hell?);
• Find out why there was a need for Diet Coke and Coke Zero. This is clearly an issue of great importance. And I think there's a new one now and it really boggles the mind;
• Visit the Ukraine, for no other reason other than the fact I like the name. Also, it's the only other country I can think of off the top of my mind where people put a "the" in front of the country name that isn't the UK;
• Pink hair? Purple? Blue?
• Travel farther than Inverness. Family visits do not count;
• See Aston Villa win a championship. I'm ignoring the improbability of this.
• Admire Australia. But, you know, from New Zealand or somewhere close by because, yuck, spiders;
• Wake up to have someone's foot pushed into my face.


Well. One out of nine isn't all that bad.

Also, the author reserves the right to add things to this list and also to taken them away. I might rethink that Aston Villa thing.

[July 10 2008]
[ music | "I Am the Resurrection"- The Stone Roses ]

Aye, alright then.

I hate hypocrites. Most specifically the hypocrites next...well, next door in a way but it's across this field type thing so it's exactly next door but it's close enough. The next door over is this barn thing that's kind of just left alone for whatever mice want to inhabit it but actual people don't live there. The source of mild irritation is most definitely actual living people.

I used to hate having to get up at the crack of dawn but by this point I'm so used to it, it seems right bloody daft to turn around and complain. Still, it's obvious it's become too much of a routine when you're shocked to wake up and the clock says quarter to six. Aye, and you spend a bit pottering about finish off what you're supposed to do and now there's nothing for a bit. And I hate daytime T.V., and morning T.V. is even worse. It's generally a choice between the twenty-four hour news, kids shows and that there thing. "Teach yourself French in four weeks!" I hate that thing. It makes me cringe really badly, because not only is there a hell of a lot of errors there's a massive green dragon, I think it's supposed to be, spouting off. I fully expect most children to watch that and walk away knowing nothing but the dragon is cool and how to say, "Voulez-vous coucher avec moi?" And really to know that all they need to do is listen to a bloody song.

Also, ew. No kid should need to know how to say that. It's far too creepy. Plus, you know, you'd hope if they would they'd at least be on informal terms unless they're a right tart and no one should be a tart before the age of twelve, I'm convinced of this.

I'm really scared of my sister.

And again I say ew. The only breakfast foods in are bloody Shredded Wheat. I hate Shredded Wheat. I've always thought that eating it is like taking bloody laxatives. I don't actually know, though. But it looks too much like porridge and the last time I ate that I had bad flashbacks to Winnie the Pooh posters and similar things. I don't think I need to really think about frigging yellow bears eating too much honey, you know?

I have a few brochures to look through later. I don't know why I picked them up. Whimsy, I suppose.

[July 09 2008]
[ music | "And Then You Kissed Me"- The Cardigans ]

For fuck sakes.

The things I do own are bloody multiple. There is a stethoscope, and there are a few dozen bandanas, and there is a monkey suit (I don't know) stashed in my bloody wardrobe, or in the boxes in the attic. Nowhere, not anywhere, in this flipping house is a feather boa. There is not a cowboy bloody hat either.

I am terribly distressed. This fact can only mean what I always suspected would happen should I not own one or the other. The world shall come to an end.

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